Hello all you sweet and amazing people <3
I have no words to convey how much I love each and every one of you. how much I appreciate the well wishes, The birthday wishes, and especially the help that has been given to me in order to get well again... thank you, thank you all!
I bet by now you realize that this isn't a rant, nor does it contain one, though I do hope you read on...
I'm just so overwhelmed by the love you guys have given me, by the patience of my commissioners, I'm just literally in tears as I write this.
I never realized, or took a moment to think of how much I took my vision for granted... As many of you know, I have a lot of health problems for a person of my young age, and have really become bitter about my jealousy of those who could perform such simple tasks as standing without pain... How foolish I was, how childish.
I never even once appreciated or thanked my lucky stars for the things I DID have. One of those special gifts, being the ability to see...
When I am blind, I lose everything I know, what few special things that made me smile from day to day, like you guys, were gone from me. My art, my ability to draw, gone. The light from my life had now become a scary darkness previously unknown to me. I could have my eyes wide open, yet I couldn't even get enough bearings to make it to the restroom on my own. I felt so much more lost.
But you guys kept me strong with your loving comments and support.
read them to me daily, some really kept me going. Thanks
TCKFV, just to name some people, to know you haven't forgotten me brings warmth to my heart <3 <3 To so many of you I haven't names here, some of you I thank even more. I just still have a bit of trouble seeing DA names, so can't name you yet, but please don't feel forgotten!
I have been through much testing, and a few spinal taps to lessen the fluids I will soon explain, but am now on the road to recovery!!
You see, I had been taking epilepsy pills for a long time. Part of my daily 4 time a day pill regimen, which is a lot to say the least. but suddenly, I started to have my vision fail on me... I got scared, but I knew it happened a few times a month without reason and none of my doctors had ever paid attention to the complaint, as so many other things were on their minds with my health. So needless to say, I just let it go for years. we're talking about at least 11 years now. Even my friends and family thought I was just being over dramatic when it happened for all that time, so I just learned to live with it.
But suddenly it began to worsen come March... It started to become twice or more a week, and last more than just a few hours.. I started to get scared, and so brought it up again to my doctors. One finally noticed swelling in the back of my eyes. And so the long adventure to find out what it was began. But soon, doctors were baffled! they didn't know why. So testing began. I passed eye tests since I was always fine during the exams...Hate when symptoms aren't there while they are checking >> But what could I do? it was hard to get these appointments, and I couldn't poof my symptoms there on demand... So they said nothing was wrong, and I was just being paranoid or something. ;; I felt humiliated to say the least.
Soon I started asking to go to the ER. That's when they started to see things wrong!!! FINALLY, I thought, AN ANSWER!!---but they were baffled over the swelling of my eyes, and sent me home instead with a recomendation to get a brain scan ._.
The price was just too great for my family and I. Even my friends pitched in, but it was not enough. But you guys ;; You guys helped me et that brain scan, and a world of answers began to unfold!!!
I finally got results that showed a sack of brain fluids that looked like a giant tumer behind my eyes! The ER spinal tapped me immediately! And I could see a bit!!!
Unfortunately, they sent me home again, but this time telling me I need to have more taps until they figured out the root cause.
Again!! You guys helped me get a spinal tap ;; I cried so hard at the outpoor of support!!!
I still couldn't see, and needed additional taps... I knew I couldn't ask you guys once more, so I began to accept my new fate. But then, one of my aunts took out an equity loan for me!!!! I was just, just to overwhelmed with everyones love and support while I was completelt blind.
Finally--- finally, three taps later, an answer had appeared!!! Even though I had been on Tegretol for so many years, They found I was having one of its rarest side effects!!!! Overcreation of spinal fluid, memory loss, vision loss, and loss of balance just to name a few!
Now while they cannot take me off of tegretol completely due to my conditions... They took me off the highest dose. They said soon, my vision will return entirely!!!!!! I'm just so releived!!!! So Happy!!! and so, so very greatful for my gift of vision to return to me.
It will take some time for the drug to leave my blood stream, and for levels to finally lessen, and I will have to learn to live with the extra pain that comes with a smaller dose, But I am just so greatful, greatful to be able to see again, and greatful to have you all!!! Thank you for your support!!!!
I will begin commissions again mid august!!!!!!!!!
And if you could all please spread this thank you to as many people as you did when I needed your help, I would be even more greatful!!!!!!! Please, ring the bells!! Tell everyone how much they mean to me, and please, please learn too, that no matter how tough you think you have it in life, there is always something to be greatfull for.
Thank you all again, I love each and every one of you!!!!
pinging a few peeps I luv ♥
I know some of you were here through this with me, and some not, but I thank you all for just being you, and for helping, being there for me, or silently cheering me on. I love you guys too ;; ♥